A Ho Hum Attitude

I have to admit that I kindof have a "ho hum" attitude these days. Things of life have just gotten on my shoulders and while I face them head on, with my head down and my chin up, I find myself doing a lot of soul searching and wondering. I wonder, for instance, what defines my value. Is it work? Is it my children? Is it my house or my clothes or my other tangible items that I can point to and show where things are going "right". The consistent theme that God keeps bringing me back to is that my only true value is in him. In HIS sacrifice and in who HE says I am as one of his children. The reality of not being able to "earn" anything gives freedom and hope but also a "ho hum" attitude. I don't know why.

I sit in my office while the girls play around me and look out the window on a wet and gross day. Ellabee is trying her hardest to put on a puppet show intermingled with conversation of her upcoming birthday party and a sleep over she's decided she and Audrey are ready to have. Anne Bailey is doing her best to disrupt the show / conversation - wanting to be part of everything. I'm inundated with email and a work "to do" list. Dinner to cook and a house that needs to be cleaned. And yet, a ho hum attitude penetrates my mind.

We spent the entire day yesterday at home. John ran a few errands but we stayed here, in our pajamas all day. It was fantastic and yet at the end of the day, I was exhausted. John said it is the longest day he can remember in a while. And perhaps there's the answer. Perhaps it's the slow down that God has been pulling us towards. I long for "more time" but it only comes when we push away the things of this world and just be... just be together and play and stay isolated away from the world. So, here I am again with no plans to leave the house except to go fetch John from work. Knowing full well that my list of errands is growing by the minute but with no umph to go and do them. I need stamps (about 500 of them), I need masks for a work thing, I need to do a lot of things but I intend to stay home - with the girls and our music and puppet shows and some work mixed in.